From one overthinking mind to another…

Lucy Stepanyan
3 min readFeb 1, 2022

“And I, a Phoenix will rise indeed.
And the ashes are but my boosters.
A Phoenix I am, rising from the Ashes.”

Have you ever died before?

Think about it for a minute. Did you think of at least one case when one of your selves died? It sounds a little unusual, but have you though of the selves that your mind creates and that these selves are fleeting? We all experience it in one shape or form, we just never see it as actual death. Think about a time in your life when you felt safe and comfortable with an image of yourself- as a professional, a mother, a wife, a young man or a woman, an athlete etc. This state persisted for a while, you got into a comfort zone and identified yourself with the image of a woman or a man, who is the manager of an X company, has a kid, friends, lives in the city with her husband/wife, is stylish and is going out every Friday night... You identified yourself with that “I” and didn’t really know who you were outside of that. But something drastic happened and your life changed completely. Now, you are trying to adapt to the new image of yourself, and if you remember a time like that, you know it is a very painful and uncomfortable process, similar to “shedding skin”. Life has a way of doing that at some point, it teaches you that the “I” that you created, nurtured and introduced to others, is actually not your authentic I. But then who am I?

People very rarely think about the death of a self, as usually life kills the self slowly and gradually, stripping you away from the selves that you have created to function in this life. You gradually and unconsciously shift from one self to another and your pain is numbed as you get used to everything that is gradually changing. Only when change happens unexpectedly, we can actually see the death of our self that existed. That is, what one might call, “death before death”. It comes in a lot shapes and forms: an accident that changes your lifestyle, or the death of a loved one, loss of a job or a business, moving to a different country. It can also manifest in something as beautiful as unexpectedly becoming a mother or a father. Or something as tragic as the death of a loved one. When a loved one dies, a part of us dies with them. We lose our selves that existed when the loved one was around…

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Lucy Stepanyan

Founder @SourceStack, International Development specialist, “Tech for Good” enthusiast, Trainer, Writer, Business Owner.